


Birthday Catch-Up

by perniciousLizard



Series: Fired Up and Bone Weary [24]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Birthday, Birthday Cake, Grillby POV, M/M, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-05 00:10:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12179181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perniciousLizard/pseuds/perniciousLizard
Summary: Grillby struggles to come up with an idea for a birthday present that Sans wouldreallylike.  But what does Sans like more than a bad joke?





	Birthday Catch-Up

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt from rkscythw was: "grillby makes sans a ketchup birthday cake and he’s convinced it doesn’t work but grillby/papyrus find it delicious and get embarrassed after eating a load of it"
> 
> Thanks to rkscythw for the prompt, and to grumpyoldsnake for betaing! 
> 
> I wasn't sure where to put this in the series, but hopefully it doesn't seem too out of place here.

Grillby hit the checkout button, shaking his head as he was confronted again by his purchase.  Sans would love the shirt and the terrible custom phrase Grillby had chosen to have put on it.  He was easy to get presents for, really, and cheap.

He shouldn't feel so guilty.  Sans just didn't have expensive tastes.  But Grillby wanted something that felt a little special, and when he spent more money on the present, it felt that way regardless of how special it actually was.  

Maybe he should get a second shirt?  

He shook his head and bought just the one.  What he really needed to do was _cook_ something really special.  Everyone was already planning on going out bowling for Sans' actual birthday, but maybe he could have a small family party on his day off before that.  He'd make a cake!

That wasn't special either, was it?

Grillby looked at pictures of fancy cakes for a while.  There were some that were based on a joke that Sans would like, but he really wasn't an expert at cake decoration.  Sans would care more about what it tasted like, anyway.  

He ended up on a website that showcased cake disasters.  The funny thing was, Sans would probably appreciate a very bad cake.  He'd even appreciate a cake that tasted bad, if he was tricked into eating it.

Grillby got an idea.

\--

"DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT MY BROTHER HATES SO THAT YOU CAN...AVOID MAKING THAT FOR HIM?"  Papyrus asked.  

"..."  Grillby had quickly run into trouble figuring out how to make a cake Sans didn't like.  It was easy enough making a cake Grillby thought was bad, but it never seemed like it would be  bad enough for Sans.  He had thought about adding gross ingredients, and then he had flashed back, montage-style, to the many disgusting things he'd seen Sans voluntarily eat over the years.  

Sans didn't like Papyrus' spaghetti, but he'd never _shown_ it.  Grillby needed to make something so unexpectedly disgusting that Sans actually reacted.  

"WELL, HE'S AN ALIEN SO HE DOESN'T LIKE MILK THAT MUCH!"  

"...not what he 'doesn't like.'"

"WHAT _DOES_ SANS HATE?  I MIGHT BE TOO GOOD OF A COOK TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION."  

Grillby had baked a sample cake with hot sauce.  Sans had a high tolerance for heat, but he had his limits.  It turned out that if he baked a cake hot enough for Sans to hate it, the smell revealed the nature of the cake before he took a single bite.  Many of the other things he had tried had made the cake look strange.  It had to be _gorgeous_.  

"HE DOES NOT LIKE - I MEAN, HE HATES?  IF THAT IS THE WORD YOU REQUIRE? -  ANYTHING THAT IS HEALTHY FOR HIM!"  Papyrus was getting annoyed.  "ANYTHING THAT WOULD BE GOOD FOR HIM, OR ISN'T COATED IN FAT OR GREASE OR SALT IS ANATHEMA TO MY CLOSEST AND DEAREST LIVING RELATIVE!  WHY EAT THIS CHIP PLAIN, WHEN YOU COULD DIP IT IN CHOCOLATE FIRST, JUST FOR THAT ADDED FLAVOR!  AND WHY EAT A HAMBURGER  - "  He broke off, remembering his audience.  "- ANYWAY!  YOU GET MY POINT."  He paused.  Grillby started to say something, but Papyrus got in again before he had the chance.  "AND IF HE DOESN'T HAVE THEM COOKED FOR HIM IN THE WORST POSSIBLE WAY, HE JUST CONSUMES THEM IN THE MOST DISGUSTING MANNER HE CAN IMAGINE!  TAKE THE BAG OF FROZEN FRENCH FRIES OUT OF THE FREEZER AND DUMP THE WHOLE CONTAINER IN HIS MOUTH!  WHY NOT?  PUT THEM IN AN ICE CREAM CONE AND PUT SYRUP ON THEM!  NOT CHOCOLATE SYRUP, LIKE HE IS PRETENDING HE IS EATING AN ICE CREAM CONE!  NO!!!!  OF COURSE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!  MAPLE!  SYRUP!"  

"..........anyway."  Grillby was sympathetic to Papyrus, but he was on a mission.  "...healthy things."  

"IF IT ISN'T GREASED DEATH IN A BUN, COATED IN CONDIMENTS, MY BROTHER HATES IT!"  

Could he make a cake with spinach or something?  That was an idea.  A beautifully made cake that was actually...a rice cake?  Grillby was inspired.  

Papyrus took out his phone, and began yelling into it a few seconds later.  "SANS!  WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT YOUR POOR EATING HABITS!"

Grillby heard the low mumble on the other end that meant Sans was talking.

"YES, AGAIN!  EVEN GRILLBY IS CONCERNED!"

Grillby shrugged.

"OK, THAT WAS UNTRUE, BUT SHOULDN'T YOUR BROTHER BEING CONCERNED BE ENOUGH??"  

Maybe Grillby _was_ concerned.  Maybe he was so concerned, he would make Sans the healthiest birthday cake that anyone had ever made.  Maybe he would write down the recipe and give it to the Vegetoid that came by the bar sometimes to tsk at the menu.  

"SANS, THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES.  IT IS THE TIME FOR CONSIDERING THE CHOICES WE MAKE IN OUR LIVES, AND HOW THEY HAVE AN EFFECT ON OUR PERSONAL WELLBEINGS!"  

The most important part was figuring out how to make a healthy icing that looked like the real thing.  

"OK, FINE, YES, I AM SMILING.  IT WAS NOT TERRIBLE, COMPARATIVELY."

This would require research.

\--

Guilt snuck in as Grillby was putting the finishing touches on his new recipe.  The cake looked like it could be on a magazine cover.  And, like the food that was often on covers and advertisements, it was just as edible.  

In all the excitement, he'd forgotten the real reason he was making this for Sans.  To celebrate his birthday.  He should have some way to make up for the joke, right?  Sans always gave away his own food if his prank destroyed his friend's.  

He had to make a second cake.  It was obvious.  He'd made so many test cakes, the idea didn't even bother him.  What was one more?  

\--

"OH!  I UNDERSTAND!  YOU ARE SUBTLY ASKING FOR AID FROM THE GREAT BAKER PAPYRUS!  OF COURSE I WILL HELP YOU MAKE A CAKE FOR HIM."

"...I just want to know his favorite kind."  

Papyrus winked, and then said: "WINK!!!  I WON'T TELL ANYONE HOW QUICKLY I SAW THROUGH YOUR RUSE!  IT'S OBVIOUS WHAT MY BROTHER'S FAVORITE CAKE WOULD BE, SO WHY ELSE WOULD YOU BE HERE?"  

".........is it obvious?"

"YES!  WE'LL MAKE IT TOGETHER."  Papyrus grabbed Grillby's hands.  "WE WILL CELEBRATE HIS BIRTHDAY LIKE A FAMILY!"  

Now he could never turn him down.  Grillby sighed.  "What is it?  Chocolate?"

Papyrus shook his hands, excited, and then let go.  "I HAVE NO IDEA!"

".............................................what?"

"BUT IT HAS TO BE OBVIOUS, ONCE WE BOTH PUT OUR GENIUS BRAINS TO THE TASK AND THINK IT THROUGH."  

So it was back to square one.  Sans would like almost anything.  Grillby had figured that out trying to think up what he'd hate.  Now he needed to decide what he would love.  

"HE LIKES THE SUGARY QUICHES THAT TORIEL MAKES, BUT THOSE ARE NOT CAKES, EXACTLY.  HMMM..."

"I should just make chocolate."

"NO!  WE WILL PUZZLE THIS OUT."

Grillby sighed.  "Fine."

Sans liked almost anything, but he loved greasy food.  He preferred his meals to be coated in condiments until he couldn't see the food hiding underneath.  

"I KNOW HE ENJOYS THOSE CAKES THAT OOZE CHOCOLATE WHEN YOU PUSH ON THEM.  PERSONALLY, I FIND THEM DISGUSTING.  THE CAKE PART ALWAYS GETS SOGGY AND THEY ALWAYS SEEM EXTRA GREASY TO START WITH.  BUT...IT IS _HIS_ BIRTHDAY."

"Lava cakes?"  Grillby laughed.  Sans and Toriel had made Grillby one of those for his birthday a couple years earlier.  "...maybe.  If only they made a condiment cake.  Something that tastes like ketchup."

"YOU'RE RIGHT, UNFORTUNATELY.  SOMETHING LIKE THAT WOULD BE HIS FAVORITE, AND WE WOULD HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH EATING IT TO HONOR HIM ON HIS SPECIAL DAY.  THANKFULLY, THEY DON'T EXIST, SO WE CAN BE--"  He broke off.  "OR, DO THEY?  HUMANS CAN HAVE TASTES THAT ARE VERY DIFFERENT THAN OURS."

A brief internet search confirmed Papyrus' suspicion.  Grillby printed out the recipe and started making a grocery list.  It didn't matter that he and Papyrus were going to hate it.  

Papyrus insisted on helping make it.  He complained at every part of the process, but always managed to pep talk himself back into a celebratory spirit.  He declared himself in charge of icing and decorating the cake once it was cooled, and Grillby let him.  He'd iced enough cakes recently.

\--

Sans left his sweater on and put Grillby's t-shirt on overtop it.  "thanks, babe.  you're the best."  

Grillby hoped Sans wore it when they went bowling.  He'd spent a lot of time looking up bowling puns.

"...there's also..."

"WE MADE YOU A CAKE!"  Papyrus jumped up.  He was covered in gift wrap bows, and half of them fell off and onto the couch.  

Grillby was standing, so he managed to block Papyrus' path to the kitchen.  "...I'll get it."

"BUT..."

Grillby wished he could wink.  "...please?"

"WELL, IF IT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU, I WOULDN'T WANT TO DENY YOU THE PLEASURE OF WALKING TO THE KITCHEN AND BACK?"

Grillby nodded.  He returned a minute later carrying his special cake.

"WHAT?"  

He realized that he should have explained things to Papyrus ahead of time.

"I DIDN'T MAKE THAT."  Papyrus sounded betrayed.

All Grillby could do was bring the plate over and hope that everything would become clear, soon enough.  Sans glanced at Papyrus, and then at Grillby.  Luckily, he seemed more annoyed than suspicious.  

"...you slice it," Grillby said, handing Sans the knife.  "It's tradition."

"makin' me work on my birthday is tradition?"

"IT IS NOT YET YOUR REAL BIRTHDAY," Papyrus pointed out.  He was deliberately not looking at Grillby.  

"still.  it's not fair."  He shrugged and cut them all pieces.  

Grillby had worried Sans would wait for one of them to eat first, but he realized that it had been silly to worry about Sans being overly polite.  He dug right in.  

Grillby fumbled with his camera, but managed to get it out just in time to snap a picture of Sans' face when the flavor of the cake hit him.  It wasn't obviously different than his usual expression to anyone who hadn't met him, but all their friends would know.

"SANS?  ARE YOU ILL?"  

"what's in this?" Sans said.  "it tastes like..."  Tears started to form at the corner of his eye sockets.  

"I made it with love," Grillby said.

"love tastes like my mouth is dying.  you betrayed me."

"IS IT POISON?"   

"yes."

"...it's good for him.  You told me how it was important that he...eat healthy."

"my own brother, too?  e tu, papyrus?"  Sans was slowly pushing the entire cake towards the edge of the table.  

Curious, Papyrus tasted some.  "THIS IS...INTERESTING."

"...very good, correct?"

"..........."  Papyrus slowly set down his fork.  "OH!  THIS IS GRILLBY ATTEMPTING A JAPE!  A JOVIAL RUSE TO CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY, SANS!"  

"i got that."

Grillby took his own cake and ate it, easily.  

"don't make me watch you eat it, too."  

He blew a kiss, but Sans waved it away.  "i don't want that."  He was laughing, now.  "ok, i guess you got me pretty good with that one."

"NOW, I WILL GO GET THE REAL CAKE!"  Papyrus ran off.

"We made you something we'll hate," Grillby said.  "Did you know there's a ketchup cake?"

"yeah.  oh man.  i never thought i'd get to try it."  Sans shoved the cake off the table to make room for his new one.  "but now you both have to give it a shot, too."

Grillby shrugged.  He was a little curious, anyway.  

The ketchup cake was dark shade of red, like a red velvet cake.  Sans tried it first, again.  Grillby took that as a sign that Sans still trusted him.

Grillby took a bite of his own piece, then looked at his empty fork in surprise.  It wasn't awful.  It tasted a little bit like a spice cake, actually.  

"needs more ketchup, sorry," Sans said.  "but it's good."

Papyrus tried it next.  "GRILLBY...WHY ISN'T THIS ONE BAD?"

"...I'm not sure..."  Grillby said.  "The ketchup is just a background flavor."

"I DON'T LIKE THAT IT DOESN'T TASTE TERRIBLE.  MAYBE IT DOES TASTE BAD, BUT NOT AS BAD AS THE OTHER ONE, SO COMPARATIVELY, IT IS DELICIOUS?"

"There are some cakes you can make with tomatoes," Grillby said.  

"OH!  THAT ACTUALLY SOUNDS LIKE A WONDERFUL IDEA!  AND THEN YOU COULD TOP IT WITH SOME KIND OF NOODLE.  I BET AN EGG NOODLE WOULD LOOK ESPECIALLY DECORATIVE ON TOP OF A CAKE, BUT ANGEL HAIR WOULD WORK NICELY IF IT WAS AN ANGEL FOOD CAKE WITH TOMATO IN IT, I BELIEVE."

"...no, it wouldn't."

"WHAT WE HAVE LEARNED TODAY, ALL OF US, IS THAT WE CANNOT LET OUR EXPECTATIONS OF WHAT THINGS WILL TASTE LIKE LEAD US INTO POOR GUSTATORY DECISIONS."

"man, i even get a moral for my birthday."

Grillby shifted over so he was sitting closer to Sans.  He kissed him on the top of the head.  "Happy birthday."

Sans looked up.  "not that long until your big day, is it, big guy?"  The lights in his eye sockets glittered, and Grillby felt dread wash over him.


End file.
